I have a dream and this dream matters a lot to me. And I have my own destination to make my dream a reality. No one will ever see me quit, because I simply won't. If I start something, I will finish it and do it well.

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Ray of Sunshine

Whenever I’m down, you’re the only one who paints the smile on my face. I LOVE you

Best B’day Gift: TIME

It’ll totally make my day if my father would bring me down by the fishing hole on my birthday. That would be like the BEST gift ever for my birthday present. Well, I had a dad who spent time with me by bringing me out for lunch at his favorite chicken rice shop. We’re still very close but I couldn’t tell all my stories or talk much to him because he speaks Mandarin for that matter. I mean, I can speak Mandarin but not as perfect as English. I was raised in an orphanage which English is their first language. Now I think in English, I do everything the English way. Best word for it is I’ve been ‘Westernized’.

Anyway, we had a really good time together, just like a father son thing. He was living on earth but it was time for him to live in Paradise. I couldn’t agree the fact that he’s gone and that really brought me down. Confusion start clouding my mind on what will happen next. Still haven’t got my future figured out.

After all that happened, I couldn’t be happy to celebrate my birthday and didn’t wanna tell anyone. But your friends or strangers will write a birthday wish on your wall on Facebook. That’s when you’ll get notifications more than your usual numbers. For me, that is not enough. It is good that Facebook helps remind my friends on my birthday, but it’s better if I could have someone spend time talking to me. You can buy me anything expensive in the world or treat me to a Nando’s Chicken Restaurant but that wouldn’t make me happy. Well not very.

If my birthday comes, I appreciate if you can give me all those I’ve mentioned earlier but the BEST gift in the world you could give me is ‘TIME’. Not the magazine but spending time talking to me or asking all about me. Getting to know each other better. You can come up with some jokes too I don’t mind, I have a good sense of humor (at least I do). If a married couple could adopt me, I would be more than happy to have a family. I can have a father to spend time with me in the beach or a mother to show what love is like to me. On the whole, the most important gift of all is; you know…

If this ever come true, I’ll be the HAPPIEST person in the world! I mean really really happy. I mean it. Now that you know what present I would love to have; it’s ‘TIME’ and ‘LOVE’. That’s the BEST thing you could ever present someone. Even if it’s Christmas…

Spare Time Arts

Other than just waiting for notifications on Facebook or spending the whole time updating my status on Twitter; I rather prefer doing something else. Things that will inspire people and make others happy. I really love being part of the arts and design fields. Currently, I’m having acting classes every Sunday after Church at KLPac (Malaysian Performing Arts Centre) and also working part time in a missions company doing Graphic Designs. Daniel Ross, a friend of mine, decided to give a face-lift for his website and I was pick to just design the Web banner. Only that because I don’t really know how does HTMLs work though. So this is what I did;

Lady Gaga | Alejandro + Video Concept

Lady Gaga | Alejandro (Official Music Video)

Alejandro Lyrics

I know that we are young,
And I know that you may love me,
But I just can’t be with you like this anymore,
Alejandro

She’s got both hands
In her pocket
And she wont look at you
Won’t look you at

She hides through love
En su bolsillo
She got a halo around her finger
Around you

You know that I love you boy
Hot like Mexico, rejoice
At this point I gotta choose
Nothing to loose

Don’t call my name
Don’t call my name, Alejandro
I’m not your babe
I’m not your babe, Fernando

Don’t wanna kiss, don’t wanna touch
Just smoke one cigarette and run
Don’t call my name
Don’t call my name, Roberto

(Alejandro
Alejandro
Ale-ale-jandro
Ale-ale-jandro) x2

(Just stop, Please, Just let me go, Alejandro, Just let me go)

She’s not broken
She’s just a baby
But her boyfriend’s like a dad, just like a dad
Draw those flames that burn before him
Now he’s gonna find a fight, gonna cool the bad

You know that I love you boy
Hot like Mexico, rejoice
At this point I gotta choose
Nothing to loose

Don’t call my name
Don’t call my name, Alejandro
I’m not your babe
I’m not your babe, Fernando

Don’t wanna kiss, don’t wanna touch
Just smoke one cigarette and run
Don’t call my name
Don’t call my name, Roberto

(Alejandro
Alejandro
Ale-ale-jandro
Ale-ale-jandro) x2

Dont bother me,
Dont bother me, Alejandro
Dont call my name,
Dont call my name, Bye Fernando

I’m not you’re babe,
I’m not you’re babe, Alejandro
Don’t wanna kiss, don’t wanna touch,
Fernando

Dont call my name,
Dont call my name, Alejandro
I’m not you’re babe,
I’m not you’re babe, Fernando

Don’t wanna kiss don’t wanna touch.
Just smoke one Ciggarette and run.
Don’t call my name,
Don’t call my name, Roberto.

(Alejandro
Alejandro
Ale-ale-jandro
Ale-ale-jandro) x2

Don’t call my name,
Don’t call my name, Alejandro.
I’m not you’re babe,
I’m not you’re babe, Fernando

Don’t wanna kiss, don’t wanna touch
Just Smoke one Ciggarette and run.
Don’t call my name,
Don’t call my name, Roberto.

(Alejandro
Alejandro
Ale-ale-jandro
Ale-ale-jandro) x2

Video Concept

I’m going to basically explain this video to everyone that’s either disgusted by this, indifferent or simply does not ‘understand it.’ The soldiers in this video are meant to represent the gay, transgendered and bisexual men in this society that are “expected” to be aggressive and fully ‘masculine’ men. Them marching around in synchronized form represents the role that they’re expected to play in society — Always marching in a tight pattern, never meant to branch off from that gender role. However, as the video progresses, you see Lady Gaga in and out of scenes, wearing these religious outfits. Those outfits are symbols for the intense religious Christian-Catholic backlash that the LGBT community experiences from religious zealots with how they say that ‘gays are going to hell’, ‘you need Jesus,’ ‘being gay is a sin,’ etc. Lady Gaga is not meant to be the focus of this video. Gaga is simply a symbol for how conflicting religion becomes when a gay man has to emotionally deal with accepting that he’s ‘gay’ when his religion tells him that it’s a sin. Gaga is a modern symbol of the virgin Mary — a cold, religiously bound woman who cares about serving and satisfying Christ. That’s very blatant and evident in what she wears, the crosses in the background, her swallowing rosemary beads, and so on. As the video carries on, you see her getting “felt up” by a man in a scene with various beds. Those beds are metaphors for what gay men experience when they’re trying to fight their growing erections from their fantasies when trying to sleep at night. During the day, society pressures them to act a certain way, to truly be the biased aggressive man. But as soon as they’re alone, even if they still ‘look’ manly and assertive, their feminine aspect of their sexuality comes to the forefront and they express their fantasies in the dead of night. Also stands for the millions of gays, transgendered and cross dressers that can only show their ‘true’ selves at night when greater society isn’t watching. These few scenes are increasingly sexual in order to show the massive, heated underlying sexual conflict that gay men experience within themselves. It’s restless, monsterous and almost unbearable because society tells them that they shouldn’t express their feelings towards other men. “Alejandro” is a metaphor for society’s gender role of the aggressive man that society yearns for.

The ‘nazi costumes’ are symbols that we are so bound to fulfill gender roles assigned by society to the point where we are psychologically placed into internment camps. Meaning that we’re forced to act a certain way in fear of being shunned, abandoned, alienated or ridiculed. When gay men get mixed up into that, they portray ‘nazis’ in this video or simply ‘strong military men’ to once again show the roles that they’re expected to play by culture’s eyes. Gaga is a symbol of how mainstream Christianity and Catholicism religions see the LGBT community.

The ‘funeral’ represents the LGBT community ‘killing’ those mainstream biased gender roles.

The continuous emphasis on showing that one man as ‘Alejandro’ with a scene of a riot playing behind him represents how, despite his throbbing sexuality — he must fulfill his role as a ‘man’ by staying silent as he listens to riots break out surrounding the tension around his sexuality.

What Everyone Wants

Everyone wants to be loved, but no one will ever be able to love us as much as God can. Only God can meet your needs all the time, and then only when you have a close relationship with Him. No person can ever touch you as deeply as God can. No one can ever know you as well. Whenever you feel emptiness inside of you that you want those closest to you to fill and they just aren’t doing that , remember that this emptiness is put there by God. He wants you to come close to Him.

God wants you to want Him. And when you realize that it is really Him that you want, it frees you to identify the longings, loneliness, or emptiness inside of you as a sign that you need to draw near to God and ask Him to fill you with more of Himself. But this deep relationship with God that we all want, whether we know it’s what we want at the time or not, doesn’t just happen. It has to be sought after. We have to pray for a deeper relationship with God. We have to pray that our walk with God is not shallow.

Prayer Power

When you walk with the Lord, you are never standing still. You are either going forward or you're sliding back. You are either becoming more like Christ everyday or you're becoming less like Him. I want to love God and live His way so I can receive all He has for me. When I live according to God's Word and by the power of His Holy Spirit, then I can trust that the Lord is working His perfect will in my life and I am becoming all He made me to be.

Lord, You have said in Your Word that Your Holy Spirit helps us to pray. I invite You, Holy Spirit, to teach me how to pray. Show me the things I need to know. Give me the faith I need to believe that You will always hear me and You will answer in Your way and in Your Time. Thank You, Lord that You sent Your Holy Spirit so I could live in power and be used powerfully by You. Help me do that. I need Your power to enable me to live the way You want me to so that I can become all You created me to be. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen

I see Zombies